Dear Mom

 I published this Thursday night, the day before I was to pick her after her exit interview.  But I just didn't know if it was as honoring to my mom and glorifying to God as I had hoped.  I am a perfectionist and I know that once words are spoken, it is nearly impossible to ever take them back.  But somehow, after deleting it, my mom still found it and read it online!  She loved it.  So, without editing, here it is.  

For my mom, the best mom, not because she is perfect, but because she loves Jesus and taught me to love Him too.  Tomorrow will be her last official day as an employee at Disney, working for Buena Vista Home Entertainment for 31 years.  It has been a process.  Isn't it always?  God's plan for our sanctification.  A process.  She has worked everyday, all day for as long as I can remember.  We always knew she loved us, and I personally loved daycare and school, but we always knew something just wasn't right.  Not to say working outside the home is an evil sin, but as children, we knew we should be with our mom, making food, cleaning house, being silly and just living together.  But for the past 31 years, she has spent countless waking hours in a building in Burbank, giving a huge part of her life to a company.  

As I began to have children of my own, wrestling with my own thoughts of motherhood, I wanted her home more than ever, encouraging her any chance I had that we don’t care about what she can buy us or where she lives….we just want her home!  I wanted her to experience the blessing of homemaking and caring for family.  When I look into my children's eyes, spending each day with my three special blessings, I can never imagine how hard it was for my dear mom to drop us off at 7am and pick us up at 6pm.  How many tears she must have shed!  How many years of exhaustion she must have suffered, struggling to be mother, full-time employee, wife, daughter and friend.  

God had done a work in her lately, preparing for the next step in her life.  Several weeks before she was let go, she prayed to God, asking Him to let her be home.  What a scary request!  Many years ago, my step dad encouraged her to stay home, but she wasn't ready.  Now, with a large mortgage, debt, years of working behind her, three years from retirement, God had prepared her heart…she was ready.  She wanted to care for her home and her family.  So, God saw fit to use these current lay-offs to bless her.  However, this isn't how anyone wants to leave a company!  When my sister and I got the call from mom that she had been laid off, we immediately began planning a celebration party.  Finally!  Mom could be home.  We didn't care how poor she will be or how it might affect us, we knew God had it all under control.  What a scary endeavor for my mom!  And now that you have the back story, a letter to my mom follows:

Dear mom,

Please, never think we could ever be upset with you for the years you worked.  I know you carry around bags of inexpressible guilt for all those years you weren't with us.  Please know that we love you.  We know you love us.  The best gift you ever gave us was the gift of Jesus, and that is all we ever needed.  No amount of hours home could ever cure our sinful hearts.  We need Jesus, and you so graciously shared Him with us.  In tears I write you this letter, as I think of all the tears you have shed over your concern for us.  Please remember that in our weakness, we are made strong in Christ.  Stop striving for perfection or regretting your past.  As you walk out those doors tomorrow and see my car waiting to pick you up, please smile.  It will be a car full of girls waiting for their Nonni, waiting to celebrate Jesus in this moment.  Celebrate Him working through you.  Know that your years spent in that building were used by God.  It wasn't a waste.  I know you know that.  

Yes, you wish it would have happened differently, all of it.  The working.  The leaving.  The marrying.  The divorcing.  The choices.  But please remember that in all of it, you showed us a humble heart willing to be molded by God.  What a gift!  And now, as I watch you walk this unknown road, you are doing it gracefully.  Yes, you might lose your house.  Yes, life will be a little more difficult, but you are so faithfully trusting in Jesus.  God will guide you and you are ready.  Thank you for this encouragement.  And as the newness wears off, and life is back to normal for the rest of us, please remember that it is a great ministry to make dad smile when you make pot roast, or clean a nasty toilet, or talk to a friend, or hold a baby.  You have been so "productive" for so long, and I want you to remember that it is okay to rest.  

Sanctification is hard, but hard is good.  I know you know this, but it is always good to be reminded:)  I will always be here to hold your hand, brush your hair, rub your back or pray with you, and when you get older, I can't wait to take care of you!

Thank you mom.  I love you.  

p.s. remember, a park day with Nonni is just as exciting as a day at Disneyland....we get to teach these girls what fun is!!