Words that give life - Cultivating a Place of Grace

Almost a month into the new year, our new baby Daisy is nearly three months old, and I am finally finding my bearings.  Feeling somewhat rested, confident to venture out or stay in, feeling a little more comfortable in my skin...a mother of three and wife of almost seven years.  I am finding my days to be refining, to say the least.  My days begin before the sun rises as little Ava wakes me up, saying "Mommy, it is a little morning time....I see the sun.  Look, mom!  You see?  We can wake up now!  May I have an apple?"  Everyday, no matter what.  We eat, we play princesses and dress up, we read and read and read, we take walks, go to the park, do laundry, do chores and stay home a lot.  I love my days.  But as most days go, I find myself coming up short. 

When I am exhausted, lonely and trying to live life on my own, my words go south.  I raise my voice, my face is mean and my words cut like swords.  I see it in their faces.  Tears stream down their faces and their hearts break.  My heart drops.  I have done it again. Even though I apologized yesterday and last week and the month before, I did it again.  How can this happen?  Repentance is making a u turn, turning away from my sin.  How can I keep tearing down those whom I love the most?

I need to trust God and His word.  It is better to be quick to hear and slow to speak.  I need to answer contention and disobedience in my home with gracious words, smiles, hugs and patience.  And it is by God's grace and His work in me alone, that I can breath His life into my home and the lives that live here.  I can give life, not death.  My home can be a place of grace.  Law must exist to understand grace, but love must cover all I do here.  I must remember to expect sin, expect brokenness from fallen creatures.  Why am I always surprised?  High goals but low expectations...be ready to battle sin with love.

As voices rises, when patience runs thin and my children disobey, harsh words are never the answer.  The answer to strife is quietness.  Gracious words.  A calm answer to a moment gone wrong.  Their stiff bodies soften, their faces show smiles, and we experience unity again as we seek to right the wrong, expose sin and turn our hearts toward Jesus.  Harshness is never the answer.  They will not be encouraged to grow or change.  I will not be building them up in the Lord or encouraging them to obey God or see Christ in each situation.

Proverbs 15:1,18 says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger...A hot-tempered man stirs up strif, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention."

I have been practicing, and you know what, God's word remains true.  I still correct my children, but when I am tempted to be angry and speak harshly which will only tear down, I remain calm and share God's truth with a smile.  I point their hearts to Jesus who can take our hearts of stone and give us new hearts.  I have found that most often, a hug will soften my ugly heart and prepare the hearts of my girls to receive instruction.  It sounds crazy, but love is the answer.  They still need disicipline, and I still need to be firm and consistent, but that can be covered in love and guided by soft words.  It has been refreshing and encouraging.  Our days are smoother, and I have less frustration when conflict arises.  Conflict will happen.  What can I control?  My tongue.  What can I control?  My face.  What can I control?  My tone.  What is the goal?  Unity and restoration. 

So needless to say, this is one of many habits I will cling to this new year.  I will be revisiting it often.  I pray we all can gain this self-discipline.

Much Love!