What my children really need...

I lie in bed, exhausted but awake, emotional.  I turn to Nate, and he knows.  It is one of those nights.  I need to talk.  Tears are begging to be let loose, but I try to hold it together.  I mutter these words. 

"Have I ruined my children?  Am I ruining them?"

You know those feelings?  You aren't enough.  You can't be enough to those beautiful eyes that rely on you each and every moment of the day.  I am not fun enough, creative enough, patient enough, kind enough, loving enough.  I don't have enough energy. 

I don't look into his eyes, because I know I'll cry, and I know we both just need some sleep.  So, I close my eyes, hoping that he will give me some sort of encouragement.  Deep down, I want him to tell me I am wonderful, a perfect mother, who will raise perfect children with no faults, no insecurities, and no problems. 

However, instead, he rolls over and speaks truth, saying, "They are already ruined, Deb.  They were born ruined."  They just need us to show them Jesus, their Savior. 

I knew that.  But I still had this great fear.  Fear that I could mess them up, even more.  Forgetting I am a sinner, they are sinners...all in need of a Savior. 

Fear.  Fear is not from God. 

We are hungry for healing.  My brokenness, their brokenness can lead me to Christ.  It can send me to my knees for the grace to overcome my sin, my impatience, my exhaustion....

I can't be enough for my children, but everytime I fail and fall short, I can point them to Jesus and press on.  They can learn how to humble themselves, ask forgiveness and turn from their sinful ways.

Praise God, I don't have to be enough.  Jesus is!