Marriage as worship

Nate and I on our honeymoon, almost seven years ago.

I am joining Ann over the next few Wednesdays in thinking on marriage as Valentine's Day approaches. Oh Valentine's Day, a funny day.  As I think of where we have been and our history, I am flooded with memories of dating, 15 and 16, clueless of true love, dating as the world dates, seeking to fill a void that only He can fill.  Each Valentine's Day, I would dream of all the ways Nate could lavish gifts on me and surprise me with special treats, hoping he could satisfy my desire to be wooed.  Wishing for excitement, romance and emotional bliss, and yet, each year, I was a little disappointed, fawning over all the ways other girls were spoiled.  This, obviously, translated into our every day relationship, and later, our marriage. 

I was the focus.

How will he love me, serve me, spoil me, be sweet to me?  Why won't he do this or that?  The poor guy could never win.  I was hoping for a husband that would make me fill loved, desired, perfect, beautiful and special.  I didn't realize that I already had the great Lover of my soul living within me.

It is no wonder the beginning of marriage was difficult.  I was hoping for Nate to be the spiritual leader of our home.  He wasn't living up to my expectations.  My focus was still on what he could do for me. 

I praise the Lord my eyes have been opened.  I was living for myself, seeking my own gain.  Idol worship.  And I thought I could get Nate to live for me also.  What a disappointing road I was on, and then God got a hold of my heart and revealed where I had gone wrong.  Over the years, I have learned.

Marriage is an act of worship.

A way to serve my creator, give thanks to my creator.  I am committing idol worship when I am focused on what Nate could be for me, instead of what I can be for Christ.  This requires daily reprogramming.  On my knees, coming to the Lord for a steady focus.  I too easily become self-serving, self-focused and concerned with pleasing myself.  Have I not learned yet that it is impossible to please myself, let alone for Nate to please me.  The Maker of my soul alone can satisfy. 

God is so good.  As I daily seek to worship Him by serving Nate and making my home, Nate becomes more of a leader, my home becomes a retreat for the weary and a beacon of truth.  Our relationship as husband and wife is fulfilling, because our focus is no longer our fickle selves, but we are focused on the goodness of God all around us. 

Humility precedes wisdom.  I must remember the sin I have been delivered from and the gift of marriage and family that I have been given as an act of God's grace.  Grace.  It is all grace.  My eyes can only be fixed on one thing at a time.  Myself or God.  When I am wishing he would be better or be doing something more, my focus is wrong.  Each moment of the day is a way to worship God, by serving those in my home.

When I am the focus, this home can crumble.  O Lord, as I look on this day, this Valentine's Day, may I love selflessly, with no expectation of return, no matter how he is acting or loving me.  May I love as you love.  Graciously, lavishly.  May I be frivolous in how I serve, seeking to worship you in how I love.  May I be reminded this Valentine's Day that you are the Lover of my soul, the great giver of life, and you alone deserve the glory.  You can be trusted.  You will satisfy.