You know those days. Those days where you didn't have a chance to shower, curl your hair, put on make-up...let's just face...you didn't even have time to look at yourself in the mirror before you entered the public world. Those days where you are grateful that at least something fits! I had one of those days.
Walking the mall and its new promenade with Nate and the girls, Daisy draped over me in a wrap. And then it happens. I spot an old friend and his wife, beautifully dressed with coffee in hand. They have two children but always seem perfect.
Don't you like how our minds deceive us, and we are so quick assume and to care about this external world that will be passing away. I try not to say hi, but how can a family my size go unnoticed:) We talk and catch up, and I loved seeing their smiling faces and showing them the baby, but the rest of the day I am left doubting. Doubting I am beautiful enough to love, beautiful enough to be friended, and simply good enough. I catch myself thinking about all the ways I will fix it. I will color my hair, get a new cut, put more makeup on, wake up earlier so I can do my hair, go on a diet to lose those necessary pounds...and the list could go on.
I am almost in tears, feeding the baby, and I look to Nate. He knows something is eating away at me. I ask, "Where is my encouragement? Speak God's words into me. I feel worthless." He graciously shows me life giving words that speak the truth into my aching soul. I was ready to believe the lie. The lie that I am worthless and that true beauty can be seen. Beauty is fleeting, but I still desire it.
I Peter 3:3-4
"Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. "
I Timothy 2:9
"..women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works."
Nate whispers in my ear, "It is precious to me too." And he leaves the room. I just sit and think. The
imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit...modesty, self-control and good works. These are possible in Christ. These things are what lead to joy and contentment. Makeup won't fix it. Losing weight won't bring it. Beautiful hair won't make him love me more. Christ looks at the heart. Praise God for gifting us His spirit who can make this dirty, sinful wretch beautiful again.
Counting Christ's many blessings...#458-468
~ cream for coffee
~ sweet neighbors to share dinner and fellowship
~ hand-me-down clothes for my ever growing girls
~ lunch with mom, nonni holding my baby
~ the first smile from baby Daisy
~ video monitor
~ bottled water
~ Nate and all the undeserved forgiveness he grants
~ Advent...candles, wreaths, trees, songs....excitement:)
~ I can do all things through Christ who strenghthens me, including
memorize Ephesians with Nate...ahhh!
~ True beauty can't be seen. Gray hairs, extra weight and wrinkles are not the enemy. Fixing up this dying body riddled with sin is the not the cure. Seeking the things above and giving my heart over to the Spirit is the cure. I need not do anything. Thank you Lord for your abundant grace. For never giving up on one
who always forgets.....
***Beautiful, creative picture reminding me of my HOPE in Christ, from my sweet neighbor at the home birth.
Check her out!
