Last Wednesday, we had another appointment with our specialist, and the ultrasound showed us that things have progressed and the bladder and kidneys are much larger now. The bladder is between four and six inches in diameter, and in the photo below, it is the large black circle above the baby. Again, it was a terribly hard day. The doctor can't tell us much in what to expect or what may happen. So, we have to continue waiting for the unknown. But it was great to have my mom watch the kids at UCLA so we could see them right after the appointment. They are such a blessing, and I always need to be reminded of what God has given me when I am tempted to dwell on this tough circumstance. I am hopeful God is going to use this hard time for Nate and me to bring others to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. This time, the doctor actually cracked a smile and asked us how we were doing. We are slowing developing a relationship with him, and I pray it can be fruitful.
What do I ask you to pray for? That my eyes can be fixed on the Creator, the one I can truly have hope in. The past few nights, the girls have gotten up in the middle of the night for some reason or another, and I find myself crying in bed. It always ends up being around 3 am, and it is tough to shake. Nate has been so gracious and sweet to me, but it is hard to know I am going to experience this totally differently than he will. I have been so convicted about the idols in my life. I was listening to a sermon the other day that was reminding us that whatever devastates us, shows us who we are truly worshiping. I must have been worshiping the idea of having a baby. I love being pregnant, giving birth and being a mom so much, that this is truly devastating. I need my focus to change. I am not living for this life, but for the next. That is SO hard to daily remember.
On the other hand, I have some major praises. Nate has been promoted to Captain, and little miss Annabelle has Potty Power, and she now tell us when she has to go (most of the time:). My friend and I are starting a Bible Study for the summer, and I am excited to see what God will do! God is good, but life can be hard.
This morning I had to write down some things that remind of who God is...
Oh God,
You are patient with me
You withhold no good thing to those who trust in You
You give strength to the weary
Your yoke is easy and burden light
You are my Comforter and Counselor
You lead and guide, never forsaking
You are forever, and I am but a vapor
I love all of you who are praying for me...thank you for showing me true fellowship and how the body of Christ really is so spectacular.
