The Unknown

So, in the last week, I have been battling an outbreak of MRSA again. There were two days where the pain was so bad and affected my whole body, that I could barely do anything around the house. Thanks be to God that Nate was home and able to help so much...I owe him so much thanks. This time has caused me to think about 1)what pain does to a person, 2)what causes people in pain to be discouraged, and 3)what people in pain really need.

Pain that affects the total body and mind can do crazy things to a person's thoughts and emotions. You can become so discouraged that you see no reason for doing most of the things you used to find joy in doing. You launch yourself into this viscious cycle of depression because of the UNKNOWN. How long will it last? Will it ever end? Is it my fault? Is there something I could have done to prevent this? How can I go on like this? And without God, the unknown is stressful, scary and depressing. It is no wonder this can result in countless addictions. My pain only lasted two days until it began to clear up, but I have such a compassion for those people with a lifetime of pain. It messes with your mind. You can't see clearly.

The timing of this is so funny. Lately, I have been sharing with Nate that I need encouragement. I love encouraging others, so I never thought it would be difficult for someone to encourage another, but the response Nate often gives me, is "I don't know how to encourage you or what to say." And this can be so discouraging. But through this painful time last week, I realized what true encouragement is amidst the unknown. I need to be reminded of what is KNOWN. I don't need to hear that it will be ok or another list of things I should be doing. A list of ways to love God in this moment of pain is overwhelming. When I was lost in the abyss of the unknown, and truthfully, still am, since who knows when this will actually go away, I learned that encouragement is simply reminding me of who God is, how faithful He has been and will be. Remind me of who is in control, and then I don't have to focus on myself anymore. This has definitely helped me in being able to more clearly ask Nate for help. Now, I just ask him to read scripture to me, since the pain was so bad I couldn't focus to read. I just need to know who God is and how He is faithful. That gives true hope and joy in the midst of any trial.

Hopefully this helps any of you who will ever be in pain.

As of now, my sore is gone, and life is back to normal, but prayer for a full recovery and fully getting rid of this infection would be grately appreciated. Thank you.

A Total Meltdown

So, today I thought it be a great day to go through all the clothes I have in the dresser and the closet for the girls, getting rid of winter clothes and clothes too small. We have countless bins of hand-me-downs for Annabelle and we have all the clothes Annabelle wore just a short year ago. As I was in the middle of this process, and while the girls were climbing through the mounds of clothes and "helping" me fold clothes and hang others up, I started to tear up. I saw all the cute little clothes Annabelle had worn last summer on our family vacations, and I pictured how little she was. And then I began to cry, because I started to think about how precious and little Ava was last summer. As I was reorganizing the bins of clothes, I looked back at all the little itsy bitsy newborn clothes and looked ahead in the hand-me-downs of 3T and 4T clothes for Annabelle.

They grow up so fast, and I just couldn't handle it. I don't usually get this sentimental, but I guess it has been that kind of month. Ava wants to eat big girl food in a booster seat just like her big sister. Annabelle wants to eat baby food and sit in the bumbo seat like Ava:) So silly. Annabelle can have full on conversations with me, while Ava is starting to communicate with signs. Ava is taking steps now, and she is sooooo proud of herself. I just put some pajamas on Ava tonight that Annabelle seriously wore last year while we were living at our parent's house. I was still pregnant with Ava, and now she is almost ONE!!! It goes too fast, and sometimes I feel like I don't get to take it all in before it flies away. I try and capture every first and every last, and I try and forget the small stuff so I can enjoy them, but I have found that no matter how much you "take it all in" and enjoy all the chaos, they still grow up and you still miss it. There is no way to get out of that mourning, except to look ahead and know that every stage will be just as exciting.

So, now I am organized but an emotional mess:) But on a serious note, I am soooo excited I am organized, at least in their room. And next, I am onto reorganizing their playroom and its closet. I have been reading up a lot on organizing toys and keeping toys out of reach, teaching children to ask to get toys out and to clean them up and trade them in when they want to get other toys out. They end up enjoying toys more, getting less bored, and needing less new toys for excitement. If I have peaked your interest, check this site out. It is pretty helpful. http://www.parenthacks.com/2007/04/toy_library_pro.html

Grace to you and peace!