Taste and See the Lord is Good

Sorry for not blogging for over a month. I think about blogging every other day, but I am truly trying to "look well to the way of my household and not eat the bread of idleness" as Proverbs 31:27 exhorts all women to do. And truly, it takes all my energy every day to make sure I do that well, and still, I often fail. However, I have been having so much "fun", if you can call it that, scheduling my days, getting ahead on grocery shopping, planning and cooking, cleaning and organizing, that I truly do forget or lose energy to correspond with all my friends.

With that said, I do want to update you with info from our last doctor's appointment. Our last ultrasound informed us that the bladder is now twice the size of the baby and the baby is getting harder and harder to spot in the ultrasound. His heart is still beating like crazy, but they are confident the heart will stop beating long before the due date in the beginning of November. I was grateful to God for having the doctor share with us that because our baby's condition was so escalated so early on in the pregnancy, there was truly nothing we could have done to intervene and try and "fix" things. It was nice to know there was nothing we could have done. Our specialist had never explained to us why; he simply said that there was nothing we could do. It was hard for me to trust him, since so many people have told us to seek out intervention. But Nate trusted God with providing this doctor, so I submited, and now I see the fruit of that. I also see the fruit of submission to Nate in my early decision to not choose a home birth. Since my first two birthing experiences were so great, I was hoping to do a home birth, but Nate loved UCLA and didn't think it necessary to have a home birth, especially since it would be an extra cost. Well, come to find out, having a homebirth and working solely with a midwife, I would not have had an ultrasound until 20 weeks into the prenancy. That means I would not have found out of this problem with the baby until just a few weeks ago. I am so grateful I have known as long as I have and have been able to slowly grieve. I was not happy with Nate's decision, but now I see the fruit of submitting to him:)

Our next step is to make official burial arrangements. We are praying for God to provide financially for the burial, and it is exciting to see how He is beginning to do that. It is so great to know that God will take care of us and we need not worry about anything, even crazy expensive burials! Our next appointment is July 22nd, and if there is not heartbeat at that time, I will be induced. IF there is a heartbeat, then we will wait until the next doctor's appointment. I still feel him moving like crazy, so I am confident there will be a heartbeat in two weeks, but you never know what God has planned.

It has been crazy to think that God made my baby this way, and it wasn't just a product of this sinful world and our bodies not working properly, but I can't refute what the Bible says. He forms us in the womb, and we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He is our maker. He didn't just make Adam and Eve and let humanity do the rest. He makes all of us. So, I have found much comfort knowing that God loves him more than I can, and He made him this way and will be near to Him in this process.

I have been leading a Bible Study on 2 Peter this summer with some girls from church, and we were studying the idea of treating the Scriptures as a light in this dark world. We so often forget how dark it is. I encourage you all to hold onto them, read God's word and never forget how dark this world is. My friend encouraged me to remember Psalm 34:8 that says "O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" He is not only our light, but He must be our food. Not all of you are going through tough times like me, but you will. And it is helpful to be FULL on God's word before you have to go through the rough times. So, as I try to discipline myself to eat of God's word, I encourage you to do the same.

Happy eating:)